Hello hello hello!
Thank you for joining me on the latest TGS Wine Club journey. I know I left you all hanging for most of the summer and for that I am deeply apologetic. I was busy sipping on that killer rosé and running from shade to shade to avoid getting sunburnt – WHICH I ALMOST SUCCESSFULLY DID! I hope everyone was able to hunt down the Carayon La Rose at their local Trader Joe’s and cherish every last sip. I’m 96% sure my total bottle count of rosé for the entirety of summer was 22 bottles. In this moment I’m realizing I might have a problem but we are going to move on very quickly and never look back at that statement, OKAY?!
Alas, I am back and better than ever with a new wine for you all. Well…“better than ever” is a bit of a stretch after devouring the October wine selection, but we’ll get to that.
This month I wanted to pick a hearty red as autumn is upon us. What does a hearty red wine look/taste like? You’re asking the wrong person because I have no clue! Honestly, the wine this month just spoke to me. It was as if @God herself sent it right into my gracious, scrawny arms.
The October selection for TGSWC is…
That’s right! We’ve got a RELIGIOUS PUN themed wine on our hands. I mean, come on…how could I pass this up. I was drawn to the outrageous label, then noticed it was only $6.99 and knew THIS was The One™. My excitement level was at an all time high as I walked out of the grocery store. Cheap. Making fun of religion. Red. CHEAP! What could go wrong?!
EVERYTHING. The answer is everything.
The only good things about this devilish wine were the ridiculous label, punny name, and it’s twist top. It literally had zero other redeeming qualities. I knew I was in for a hellacious experience as soon as I twisted that cheap top off. The smell that emerged is almost impossible to describe. White vinegar meets apple cider vinegar meets off-brand cherry cough syrup meets a once-respected wine. If it weren’t for my gorgeous readers (hi Mom!) I would’ve said, “it’s over, it’s canceled” and dropped it straight into the trashcan. But as we all know, I hate myself so I dove in face first and polished off the entire bottle.
The first sip: 0/10 would not recommend. It burned, it was sour, and it was heinous. Judas in a bottle some might say (okay I’ll stop). It tasted exactly as it smelled. I’ve had wine that turned bad that tasted better than this disaster. Our Daily Wines pride themselves on being organic and having “no detectible sulfites.” I beg this company to start putting detectible sulfites in this liquid garbage to try to make it a tiny bit more bearable.
Not one sip of this bottle was enjoyable. I thought that as I got a little drunk it would become somewhat delicious because, in my opinion, literally all wine tastes the same. I proved myself wrong! I drank the bottle and regretted it immediately. I fell asleep on the couch essentially mid conversation and did not feel back to normal me until nearly 24 hours later.
STAY AWAY. DO NOT TRY. GO TO CHURCH INSTEAD. Yes, church will be painful (or not – only God can judge) but this wine made me feel personally victimized by the father, the son, and the holy fudging spirit. I guess I got what I paid for this time around.
I’ll give Our Daily Red 1/10 simply because I successfully got drunk for under $10.
I thought I found God in that wine aisle but quickly learned she doesn’t exist. If God existed, Our Daily Red would have never found it’s way into my life. God speed, friends! I’ll be praying for any of y’all brave enough to give this one a go.
*~* I’m always on the lookout for the next best/worst TGS Wine Club selection! If you have any recommendations please connect with me and let me know. Any and everything is clearly welcome so don’t be shy *~*