Welcome back to The Grayscale Wine Club! I hope you’ve spent the last month enjoying the cardboard masterpiece that was Black Box Wines. This month I decided to up the ante from cardboard box to glass bottle, all while keeping the tab under five dollars. Can you say classy?!
The June selection for TGSWC is…
I was initially drawn to this wine by the name. I’m an extremely vain human being so I couldn’t pass up a wine I share a name with – Forest Ville. Sam Forrest. Get it? It just happened to be fate that my namesake wine was also dirt-cheap. This glass bottle of decadence rang in at $3.62 which I honestly didn’t even know was possible in 2016. This bottle is almost a dollar and a half cheaper than the box of wine from last month.
For some unknown reason I went into this tasting only wanting to drink one glass. I’m working on that summer bod and trying to keep my alcohol consumption to a minimum. Sadly, sometimes our wants and our needs do not line up. What I’m trying to say is that I drank the entire bottle. I’m sure at this point you’re thinking, “wow. He drank the whole bottle. It must be pretty tasty!”
This is the worst wine I’ve ever tasted. As soon as I uncorked (shocking that it wasn’t a twist off tbh) the bottle I knew I was in for a rough evening. The wine didn’t smell like wine. My nostrils could sense how bitter it was. I should have taken that as a warning and aborted the mission…but I’m not a quitter. I couldn’t let you, the reader, down.
This Pinot Noir was down right acidic. If you had a cut on your tongue it would be straight up painful to drink this wine. My messed up brain has always wondered what it would be like to put a shot of vodka into a glass of wine and NOW I KNOW. I forced my roommate to take a sip and she described it as “bitter water.” I think that about sums it up. It was a genuine struggle to finish a single glass of this Pinot Noir and at one point I did a full body shudder after downing a big gulp.
I forced myself to finish the initial glass poured. With each sip, the wine burned my mouth and throat more and more. This wine was so pungent that fruit flies eventually started circling. I left a small amount in my glass and took a breather because I could feel death creeping up on me. I should’ve let that breather turn into pouring the rest of the bottle down the drain but fortunately for you, I never developed any self-control. I went back for a second, third, fourth, seventh, I don’t even know how many glasses. Normally alcohol gets less horrifying as I progress down the spectrum from tipsy to drunk but that never happened with this Forest Ville nightmare. It remained as bad as the first sip. Lesson learned: I need to trust my gut if the wine seems like it was delivered straight from hell on a silver platter.
All in all, I guess I got what I paid for. Mission accomplished? I did indeed get drunk for fewer than five dollars but it was a miserable process. Respect yourself enough to shell out a few extra dollars and avoid Forest Ville Pinot Noir. I can’t even think of a situation that would be okay to drink this wine in. There is none. If you see this wine, RUN. 0/10 would NOT recommend!
Forest Ville, you have failed me and brought shame to my last name.