WELCOME TO THE TGS WINE CLUB! Simply by reading this article you are automatically apart of the TGSWC (rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?). This is a Wine Club for the everyday person. By “everyday person” I mean the 20-something who is barely making rent, but still likes to treat yo self. By “treat yo self” I mean sit at home alone, drink an unhealthy amount of wine and attempt to binge 12 seasons of a TV show in less than 5 hours. Our goal at TGSWC is to bring you the best wines under $10. If you’re choosing to spend more than $10 on a bottle/box of wine, you are making a huge mistake in my almighty opinion. However, it’s your prerogative and more power to you because that probably means you’re making more money than I am and I cannot blame you for actually having applicable skills in a professional setting. Round of applause to you and your classy wine selections.
Let me start out by mentioning an extremely important detail…I know virtually NOTHING about wine. To me, red wine is red wine, white wine is white wine, rose is confusing and champagne is fun. I’ve tasted different blends, brands, classifications, etc. WHAT IS EVEN THE CORRECT TERMINOLOGY FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF WINE?! To me, they are all the same. A Malbec is the same as a Merlot is the same as a Pinot Noir is the same as any other red wine variation. The same goes for whatever types of white wine exist. In conclusion, my reviews should be taken with a grain of salt but at the same time they should be taken more seriously than anything ever on earth. Glad we are all on the same page!
The April wine is….
BLACK BOX WINES CABERNET SAUVIGNON
That’s right! We are kicking off the TGSWC with a boxed wine. There really is no need to pay for that glass bottle which will inevitably be thrown away or recycled if you’re a good person/child of god. Right off the bat I notice two immediate perks to this beautiful box of wine. First, it only cost me $4.99. Second, this little stunner contains the equivalent of 3 glasses of wine in one box. That breaks down to $1.66 per glass which is a deal that cannot be beat.
GLASS #1 – 8:31PM
This Cabernet Sauvignon describes itself as having “rich aromas of dark fruit complemented by a deep, lush body.” The first thing I picked up on was a distinct lack of cardboard taste. 10 points to Black Box for that alone. While sipping this first glass I noted that it “tastes like wine.” Pretty insightful comment if you ask me. As I mentioned earlier, all wine tastes the same to me so I’m trying to take a mental note that this is what a Cabernet Sauvignon tastes like but I am not hopeful it will stick. I would consider this wine rich but not deep. Take that as you will because even I don’t know what it means. Black Box Wines managed to create a wine that is not too sweet and not too bitter, which I consider a positive. The taste lingers for a bit and I am about 60% sure I tasted some sort of berry aftertaste. Wine is made from grapes so that was confusing to be completely honest. It is important to note that neither my teeth nor my tongue are discolored after this first glass. Bravo, Black Box! The alcohol content is 13% and I felt it right away.
GLASS #2 – 8:46PM
This is where things start to get confusing. As I sip this deep red magnificence I begin to question how I could possibly be feeling drunk off the first glass. This leads me to inquire what a normal sized glass of wine is. For me, filling the wine glass up to the top counts as a normal pour for a single glass of wine. It also doesn’t help that I primarily drink out of wine glasses that can hold an entire bottle. During this existential crisis, I hear a preview for the nightly news: “A nuns DUI – Was the alter wine to blame?” Mildly drunk Sam gets a great cackle out of that one. I am starting to feel more energized with each sip of this cardboard wine, but I’m also starting to notice it getting more and more sour. I think it might have to do with my taste buds and mouth going numb from my blatant chugging of the drink. I have now started binge eating Cheez Its. The processed cheesy crackers brought out no new flavors. Glass #2 still tasted like red wine so that’s good.
GLASS #3 – 9:03PM
This glass of wine and state of drunk can only be summed up in bullet points:
- YO, THESE CHEEZ ITS
- Next word I want to start using is “salty”
- Cheap wine pairs really, really well with Cheez Its
- Pumpkin Spice scented candle has been lit
- 3 glasses of wine in under an hour is A LOT for a Wednesday night
- Forgot to make note of the taste and body and smell
At the price of $4.99 I will buy Black Box Wines any chance I get. I was expecting it to taste like cardboard but was pleasantly surprised to find no hints of cardboard while guzzling it. The box promised me a delicious red wine and red wine is definitely what it delivered (delicious is still up for debate). The perfect setting to cherish this wine is at home alone while consuming every carb in sight and catching up on the latest Real Housewives drama. Gather the change out of your couch and rush to your local grocery store to stock up on Black Box Wines Cabernet Sauvignon or any other variation that Black Box produces.
**Please drink (responsibly) and discuss your experience with the wine, as well as offer suggestions for the wine selection for May**