We are finally in the homestretch of this season and tbh I’m relieved. Let’s not get started on the fact this episode has only three guys, was two hours long and had zero fucking eliminations.
In what must be underwhelming for the three guys left, they get to go to fuckin Dallas instead of a tropical island (for now). I’m starting to think that Rachel’s sister Constance is the one running the show here, considering she got a major network to reconfigure their filming schedule around her pregnancy and also clearly has the most important opinions of the three guys.
Peter is up first to meet the parents which means this absolutely will end well.
Rachel takes Peter shopping to go buy Constance’s unborn child a gift. Peter is terrified to even get engaged imagine how much he doesn’t want to shop for baby clothing rn.
At least Rachel’s sister gets some free baby clothes out of this bullshit.
This mansion is goals.
The only person with a brain is Rachel’s dad who refuses to appear on any episodes in the last two seasons.
Are biracial couples a pre-requisite for the Lindsay family? In that case Eric is doomed.
Mama Rach: What makes you want to propose?
Peter: I have 0 interest in getting engaged. But I would love your permission to be Rachel’s BF!
Mama Rach: Seems legit.
Next up we have Eric, who has probably never met a girls family in his life. JK, but he actually hasn’t met a girls family in seven years.
OK wtf are these hotel room pow wows with all the guys.
It’s been a couple weeks since we got some bro tension so let’s just make it look like the two front runners hate each other.
Okay back to Eric.
Even though Eric was off the deep end the first few episodes of the season, I am starting to think he is one of the normal people.
Eric is slaying the family game right now.
Man what are these sleeves on Rachel’s sisters top?? Get better, Constance.
Eric comes through and asks for Rachel’s hand so this has gotta give him the upper hand with the fam.
These guys got so lucky that they don’t have to meet her dad and get to ask Rachel’s nice ass mom for her hand. 0% chance she says no to anyone.
With the last stab at meeting the fam, Bryan is up. Based on previews, I have extremely high expectations that this will be a shit show.
Eric and Peter are salty af about Bryan and Rachel’s matching Swiss watches.
Bryan is spewing chiropractic knowledge to try and impress Rachel’s friends.
Rachel, to her friends: “I thought Bryan was a douchebag.”
Rachel, he still is a douchebag.
Much better outfit today Constance.
Bryan: “From day 1 Rachel was my girlfriend.”
Constance: Constance’s wedding ring is giving Neil Lane a run for his fucking money. Great job token white brother in law of the family.
Rachel’s parents are gonna be so mad when they find out Bryan is the front runner.
Rachel’s mom is too nice why TF are you giving Bryan your blessing???
Eric gets the first overnight date in Spain and and we have another romantic helicopter ride. ABC needs some new material.
Eric really does just drop a few verses wherever he sees fit. Which is actually never but we will go with it. Eric is even harmonizing this fantasy suite card reading.
As a family of lawyers they have gotta be disappointed in Eric’s grammar.
How many times is Eric gonna say deep love in reference to the fantasy suite. I can’t.
I will never not be obsessed with Peter’s salt and pepper hair. Ok moving on.
Rachel and Peter go wine tasting where they are also harassed by a Spanish man’s singing in a wine cellar.
Apparently ABC convinced this place to name a wine cellar after Rachel and Peter. This dude is about to rename this as soon as Rachel and Peter leave.
Rachel’s gold eye shadow is on point today.
Did anyone tell Peter he was going on a reality television show where the whole point is to get fucking engaged?
Gee I wonder what these dark clouds could be foreshadowing?! Rachel and Peter are totally gonna have an amazing overnight date!
Rachel lays down the law and basically tells Peter to propose or GTFO.
Peter is not here for it and this shit is doomed. Congrats, Bryan.
We barely get into the night portion of this date before our two endless hours are up. Next week, we are back for the Men Tell All, and FINALLY the finale is near. See you all next week!