Welcome back rose lovers! It’s a big week in #BachelorNation as we finally get to find out who makes it to hometowns.
For the first time in like three seasons, we actually ended on a rose ceremony last week and started this week in a new city as the crew travels to Switzerland. After all the borderline racist happenings this season, they decided to picked somewhere relatively neutral. See what I did there?
It is so fucking obvious Matt and Adam are getting eliminated this episode like why am I even gonna waste my two hours on this.
ONE ON ONE: BRYAN
Bryan (SHOCKER) gets the first one on one with Rach and at this point this is a one man show.
Bryan casually goes to change and returns in a full blown suit. Kk.
Rachel is bout to buy Bryan a Swiss Rolex because he’s clearly winning this season.
Rachel girl those extensions are
Bryan expresses his difficult upbringing of his mom not allowing him to get his ears pierced and being forced to attend all boys school. This is the definition of #PrivateSchoolProblems. Life must be hard, Bryan.
Bryan, a clear Mama’s boy, was literally dumped by his ex because his mom was intolerable. Can’t wait for this hometown.
Clearly this man gets a rose.
ONE ON ONE: DEAN
Dean gets the second one on one. Adam and his creeper doll are considering walking into traffic at this point.
Look Rachel if you don’t want Dean, I’LL TAKE HIM.
Ugh Rachel is taking Dean to Catholic mass and this is the worst fucking date imaginable and I’m now having PTSD to Catholic high school monthly liturgies. Peace be with y’all.
Can you imagine being on The Bachelorette and being dragged to mass on your one on one date? Fucking bye.
Dean don’t be concerned about your awkward family, every family has their own crazy branch. Speaking from experience.
Rachel: Tell me about your life and feelings?
Dean: So what’s your favorite dinosaur?
Poor baby Dean and his weird ass family. Dean said his dad is eccentric and this is such a fucking understatement. (more on this later..)
Dean gets a rose. #DeanForBachelor
ONE ON ONE: PETER
Peter gets the final one on one of the ep and as mentioned, Matt and Adam are fuckin toast.
Peter and Rachel get the obligatory helicopter ride in Switzerland.
Peter is actually the McDreamy of The Bachelorette. If you don’t understand this reference you can see yourself OUT immediately.
Who filled these wine glasses? Respect.
Rachel is asking the hard hitting questions like if Peter has ever brought a black chick home.
Sorry Peter but what is the relevance of this break up story to not meeting your parents??
Peter, also unshockingly, gets a rose.
Also like, where are these Rachel crying scenes?
GROUP DATE: ERIC, MATT & ADAM
The last date of the week is with Eric and two strangers, I mean, Matt and Adam.
Adam is a full blown delusional dater and actually thinks he has the best connection in the house. Boy bye.
These boys in their pea coats. What is this, 2010?
Why can’t I put my finger on what exactly is wrong with the way Eric speaks?
Eric is actually hustling for this rose as if he doesn’t already know he has this date in the bag and that Rachel has never actually spoken to the two other guys on this date.
Matt gets his first solo time with Rachel since he came out of the limo and that hairline is the nail in his coffin.
Rachel why the fuck are you crying over MATT.
I won’t even recall who Matt is when he shows up like nine days into Paradise.
Anyway, Matt goes home.
I wonder if anyone ever tries to sit shotgun in the rejection van lol.
Adam literally has nothing going for him besides the fact he lives in the same town as Rachel.
Eric throws in a last ditch sob story about how his family members are kind of messed up to really solidify that group date rose.
In the most anticlimactic giving of a rose, Eric gets the last hometown of the season.
Next Week on The Bachelorette
YOU GUYS I can’t finish this recap without talking about Dean’s Dad. HE WAS NOT KIDDING. How is Dean so normal?
Also next, week, we get the very un-produced hometown where Rachel’s family GASP doesn’t really like the front runner, Peter GASP might not be ready for marriage and sorry, nothing notable about Eric. See you all next week!