Minus the West Coast delay of last night’s episode (Things I wasn’t expecting: A half hour of Bernie yelling through the TV when I was anticipating roses, tears, and fantasy suites. #NotFeelingTheBern), last nights episode was FINALLY the drama we have been asking for.
We return to the tarmac for rest of last week’s rose ceremony. JoJo is crying but also still looking fire.
She lets Luke go, and we see the conclusion of his Bachelor audition for next season, which is pretty solid tbh.
Next we head to Thailand for
sex Overnight Dates. They must have traveled in the off season because this weather is shit.
Robby’s thirst for JoJo is embarrassing. He is next level. I mean, he literally said ILY on date #1 and is now shoving it down her throat any chance he can. How is he even still in this thing?
Also, HIS HAIR. It is so good that it’s just terrible. Some bad combination of hairspray, gel, sugar bear hair vitamins, and anything else he can get his hands on.
This “letter that my dad” wrote is pathetic. Robby, your dad (1) did not write that, or (2) will do anything the producers tell him to benefit your soon to end 15 minutes of fame. Good one, Coach Hayes.
After all of this ex girlfriend drama this would have been the PRIME TIME to bring her on the show/stage a phone call with JoJo (good for her for having standards, tho). Missed opportunities, ABC.
Anyway, #RoJo hit the fantasy suite and it apparently went well. Or maybe it didn’t because Robby’s hair is still perfectly in tact. The world will never know.
Side note-Why are JoJo’s heels on the night stand and also why is she being forced into a walk of shame?
Jordan and JoJo meet up and are heading on a hike through the mountains of Thailand in 100 degree weather. This poor camera man.
JoJo is wearing the cutest top and all I want/need is to know where she shops.
They wrap up their hike at a cave temple where JoJo is forced to put on a shirt and no kissing is allowed. Now that I say it out loud, this sounds more like a middle school dance.
At their pre-fantasy dinner, JoJo puts Jordan on the spot yet again about how serious he is. I mean, Jordan is kind of a piece of shit but I am starting to feel bad for him because JoJo can just not give this up. She is the real life version of the Overly Attached Girlfriend Meme.
Either way, they also hit the fantasy suite and JoJo has been waiting for this night since the she read that Jordan was coming on this show in an issue of Us Weekly.
On this date, we see more personality out of Chase than we have all damn season. If any of the other guys had played with a dead fish like that I would have been sorta disturbed but for some reason its weirdly endearing on Chase. I hate myself.
For how well this day date is going, I can’t believe JoJo is about to give Chase the ax over that tool Robby.
JoJo invites Chase to the fantasy suite for some undisclosed reason (ratings.)
Chase: “I love you”
JoJo is RUTHLESS. Not only did she let Chase get all the way to the fantasy suite, but then, when he drops the L bomb for the first time in his life, she dumps him. That is heartless, Joelle.
This is peak Chase. He is DRAGGING her and I am living for it.
Jojo: “I am so sorry”
Chase: “It feels like you just punched me in the balls”
At least someone popped Chase a sympathy beer as he entered the Bachelorette reject van.
At the rose ceremony, Chris B Harrison makes his weekly appearance to ask how the sex was/impart his Bachelor wisdom on everyone.
Jordan’s pants are probably a women’s size 26 based on fit and length. Tight pants are an epidemic this season that needs to be stopped.
Chase comes back to save face, which is pointless, and we are down to our final two of Robby (Huge tool. If you are in need of evidence, visit his Twitter) and Jordan (definite winner.)
Parting thoughts: In the finale preview Jojo’s dress is LIFE and I continue to envy her for every article of clothing she owns.
See you tomorrow to talk Men Tell All!
All photos ABC