After a quick one day hiatus, we are back to talk about this week’s Women Tell All, which is really more like, the women tell us everything we already know. Nothing like following up International Women’s Day with the literal antithesis of what that stands for. Oh, except if you are Liz.
Before we get to the ladiez, we are forced to sit through the Bachelor viewing parties. Sorry but there is a 0% chance that these people DIDN’T know they were going to be on TV and/or crashed by Chris Harrison. No one has fucking parties like this.
Also, can we stop pimping out the Backstreet Boys? Is this really what their careers have come to?
The girls and their outfit choices were a whole lot of NO. Danielle M definitely thinks she is more of a fan favorite than she actually is with that intro. She also has inexplicably decided to dye her hair to match her jumpsuit.
Can we all agree to stop wearing fucking jumpsuits?
Josephine, who was recently added to Corinne’s legal payroll, decided to take every bad trend of 2016 (velvet, mustard yellow, dark lipstick) and combine them into one god awful look.
Elizabeth (who I am genuinely convinced was not on this season of the Bachelor) was there and I don’t even think the girls know who she is. She must have taken a page out of Leah Block’s book and literally showed up looking like a different human being.
THE HOT SEAT
We kick of the hot seat with Liz, because it’s been five weeks too many since we have heard the phrase “Jade and Tanner’s wedding”
She defends the fact that she stalked her one night stand onto national TV by pretty much saying #ImWithHer and proceeds to cry about random things for the rest of the night.
Now that Liz and her useless story line are out of the way, we get what we came to the two hour show for: Taylor v. Corinne.
Taylor is definitely the Gretchen Weiners of her friend group.
Taylor cries about how people now think she is a bad mental health counselor and proceeds to shove her Master’s degree down everyone’s throat in a last ditch effort to validate her career path. Through her tears, she asks Corinne for an apology to which Corinne replies with “fuck no” and walks off stage for a champagne break. Corinne is queen.
Corinne: 2 Taylor: 0
Corinne’s time on the hot seat is the highlight of this episode and I think I would actually watch two full hours of that.
Josephine is inexplicably worshiping the ground Regina George, I mean Corinne, walks on. I feel like I only saw one scene this entire season of them together and they were just eating cheese, so apparently that was a real bonding moment.
Corinne talks about her #NapGameStrong that people still somehow care about.
To wrap up her reign as queen of the WTA, Raquel makes everyone cheese pasta, and Corinne explains that the reason she calls her a nanny is because there is no way in hell she would ever consider her just a cleaning lady and it’s actually really sweet.
Kristina gets a quick hot seat which isn’t hot at all. Chris Harrison forces her to relive her traumatic childhood and being an orphan. Classy, ABC.
Nick finally makes his appearance to get put on blast by all his ex girlfriends and it’s pretty forgettable.
Lacey (who?) complains about being friend zoned, while Alexis/dolphin queen drops some truth.
Alexis: “Yo I was 100% in the friend zone I just didn’t suck as much as you.”
Danielle L gets her five minutes of time to cry about being dumped, and Nick tries his best to eloquently say that Danielle is hot but boring.
Rachel finally makes her appearance and looks fire per usual. She takes the time to thank the everyone for her title as the Black Bachelorette and Jubilee is at home somewhere crying into her glass of wine.
The girls act super thrilled, when really they all want to low key murder her.
Only ONE more episode of this season and TG because this shit is exhausting.
See you all for finale night!