Hey fellow Bachelor fans! It’s been a bizarre two weeks in Bachelor world but we are back today to recap overnight dates, and again this Thursday for the Corinne Tell All.
We kick off last week with this lame ass Andi Dorfman talk show. Literally this girl will do anything to promote her second rate exposé book. It’s okay though (see what I did there?).
Anyway, Andi asks Nick the hard hitting questions, like if he is going to have sex with all the girls and also expose them on the WTA and/or ATFR. Whatever ABC is paying her to do this, it’s not enough.
I bet they offered this shit show to Kaitlyn too and she said fuck no.
After Andi’s last ditch effort to extend her 15 minutes of fame, we head to the rose ceremony where Corinne has decided to one up Vanessa’s fuzzy vest with a full blown fur coat. Or animal. I can’t figure it out. The difference between C & V is that Vanessa probs got her vest at TJ Maxx while Corinne probably dropped a few thou. Corinne > Vanessa.
Despite her efforts, we finally say goodbye to our queen, Corrine 🙁
Her entire departure chat with Nick is in baby talk and it’s so weird, but in true Corinne fashion, she just naps it off in the limo.
Raven had the first and only overnight date of last week’s episode and it was really the most bizarre overnight date I have seen in recent seasons.
IDK who is providing beanies to the girls here in Finland but they need to be stopped. Like, at least give them a Neff beanie not these fugly pom pom hats.
Nick and Raven spend their evening drinking profusely at a ‘local pub’ where Raven finally tells Nick ILY and also confesses that she has never had an orgasm and I am so fucking done with this season.
Hours after this episode aired, Raven’s ex boyfriend briskly walked to the Us Weekly office to refute this claim. El oh el.
Also on this date Nick is wearing the ugliest effing turtleneck I have ever seen. If you have any access to the internet, you know that he has been DRAGGED on Twitter for this for the last week and it is my aesthetic.
Outerwear this episode is 0/10.
After their overnight, the episode leaves us on the most awkward cliff hanger ever: Was Raven satisfied with her overnight date?? I see what you did there, Chris Harrison.
We are dropped back in Finland into the weirdest fucking montage ever. Raven is LITERALLY frolicking the streets celebrating her big O and I want to actually die. Oh, and she is still wearing the god damn beanie.
K why did they choose this random ass town in Finland for Overnights? These girls were for sure expecting some place like Fiji.
Anyways, Rachel gets the only cool date of this destination where they get to play with reindeer and go real life dog sledding. Is this a promo for Snow Dogs 2?
Rachel is wearing her obligatory pom pom beanie and is the only girl of the three to pull it off. Still hideous, though.
Rachel finally tells Nick ILY, and now all three finalists are in too deep. The good news is at least Rachel has the best rebound gig you can find on national TV.
Of all three dates, Rachel got the least amount of airtime so we will just assume that Nick and Rachel banged in the fantasy suite.
Wrapping up the week, Vanessa has the last overnight date and UGH why do I dislike this girl so much?
She is also wearing a heinous pom pom hat:
I’m just not understanding why these girls were forced to wear these travesties. Anyway, enough about beanies.
Wait, one last beanie to remark on. If we thought the girls couldn’t pull off a beanie, oh my god Nick can NOT pull off a beanie. If Nick paired this beanie with his turtleneck he would be the laughing stock of Twitter.
Nick gives Vanessa the worst date ever. They literally sprint between a sauna and an ice bath in the snow while wearing weird blue metallic swim suits. Like, this is not a fun date. Whatever producer came up with the date idea was probably just shipped off to Bachelor in Paradise.
After this shit date, they have a long and awkward chat in a hot tub in the snow.
Vanessa: “I refuse to give up my Sunday lunches with my family.” Meanwhile, I look for every excuse in the book to bail on family gatherings.
Vanessa asks Nick if he would move to Canada to which he replies:
“This may sound dumb but I am proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died and gave that right to me.” He follows this up with some more lines about loving America that he most likely took from an early 2000s Toby Keith album.
After all three overnight dates, we say goodbye to Rachel, the worst kept secret in Bachelor history. She was too good for Nick Viall anyway so she really came out on top here. At least her reject van was a Benz.
Check back this Thursday for our Women Tell All recap!