Ah hometowns, the best episode of the season and the time we finally get to judge the shit out of not only the remaining four girls, but also their families.
Raven takes Nick to her hometown of Hoxie, Arkansas which is a very Chris Soules-esque location. To clarify, that’s not a good thing.
The start off the day with some Arkansas shit, like 4-wheeling and making out on grain barrels. TF is a grain barrel?
We meet Raven’s mom, dad, and brother, and you HAVE to wonder how Raven is such a twig.
In a genuinely real and sweet moment, the ‘rents tell Raven her dad is officially cancer-free and it is the sweetest.
Raven’s mom sounds IDENTICAL to her and I’m starting to think all southern people sound like this.
The first of many, Raven doesn’t have the courage to say ILY and she’s so far out of Nick’s league she should probably keep it that way.
Rachel’s hometown date is in Dallas, Texas and it’s EVERYTHING you could ever hope for with a black girl bringing home Nick Viall of all white guys.
For their day date, Rachel takes Nick to a service at her church and I swear to go we just walked into a scene from Sister Act. Whoopi where you at?
This entire hometown dates is essentially Nick being roasted for being a white dude and it’s amazing.
Nick, receiving a gift from God, doesn’t get to meet Rachel’s dad because what kind of Federal Judge would agree to appear on this shit?
At Rachel’s house, Nick meets her mom (who is #momgoals), all of Rachel’s sistas, and the token white brother in law. ABC had to throw in a white dude to take the edge off.
Considering one of the sisters is literally married to a white guy (a very average one at that), IDK why they are making Rachel and Nick into such a big deal.
Something tells me Nick and Rachel will def end up together at the end of this. Oh wait..
Just like Raven, Rachel also bitches out of dropping the ILY on Nick.
The hometown we (me) have all been waiting for! Dude, Corinne genuinely is not that bad of a human. I hesitate to say that I would enjoy hanging out with her IRL.
Corinne takes Nick to an “exclusive” mall, whatever the hell that means, and they spend the whole date shopping. Does this exclusive mall have bouncers? Asking for a friend.
Corinne makes Nick try on wildly expensive clothes, including $800 sweatpants, and Nick enters a mild panic realizing that his current wardrobe staple is a Hanes V-neck. They spend a casual $3500 on clothes and I have to wonder if ABC paid this tab or if Corinne DGAFs that much.
At lunch, Corinne prevails and drops the ILY. Nick is at a real poor rationof 1/3 rn.
FINALLY we get to meet this infamous family and they do not disappoint. Can I live in this dope ass penthouse? We meet Corinne’s dad and somehow everything about this girl makes sense.
Nick legit chokes down one of Mr. Olympios’ self marinated olives. What a bizarre culinary skill.
JW why the main course for dinner isn’t Raquel’s cheese pasta? Missed opportunities.
After a long awaited seven episodes, we are finally blessed with meeting Raquel and TBH it’s very underwhelming.
At the end of the date, Nick gets his third stamp of Dad’s approval, and a three thousand dollar outfit so this date has to be in the lead.
You know if your date gets aired last, something went fucking wrong.
Nick and Vanessa meet up to go visit Vanessa’s students, and oh my god their outfits look like a clip out of the late and great What Not To Wear. Nick is wearing a gross little cardigan over his go to v-neck and Vanessa is wearing a dreaded furry vest. Furry vests are so 2016, V.
They meet Vanessa’s students and it’s actually really sweet.
I wonder how many parental guardian’s had to sign waivers for this.
Vanessa acts like she’s been collecting romantic images all throughout their journey to love when IRL she probably had a producer download them from the @BachelorABC twitter account.
For the second season in a row, we get a divorced parents hometown date situation and finally this show is being realistic.
First, we meet Vanessa’s mom’s side of the family and after seeing V’s sister, I can 99% confirm that Vanessa must have gotten a nose job at some point.
Vanessa’s family is on the defense about Nick and I mean can you blame them? Also, how the hell have Vanessa and Nick not had a conversation about the fact they live in different countries????? Currently on #TeamVanessasFam.
After the first Canadian/Italian shit show, we head to Papa V’s house and it ain’t much better. Eventually Nick gets his blessing, but its painful.
I am so confused by all of these accents in this family. Are we Canadian? Are we French? Are we Italian? Are we Russian? I have no clue.
TO BE CONTINUED
Before the end of this ep, we get a montage of clips of all of the girls staring off into the sunset contemplating how they should have told Nick they love him.
Also, we get a lame ass Andi appearance (I wonder what her pay day was for this bullshit) before we get a to be continued.
See you all next week!