Welcome to week 5, commonly known as the 10th hour of life we have all committed to watching Nick Viall on our Monday nights. Week 5 also happens to be the most EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT episode of the season!! I’ll be okay if I never hear the phrase emotional intelligence ever again.
We return to our cocktail party and rose ceremony in Wisconsin where Raven, Kristina, and Danielle L already have roses and get to kick back and watch the #TayRinne drama unfold.
At the Rose ceremony we say goodbye to Astrid and Sarah. With Sarah gone, who is going to call out Corinne in front of the girls?!? All I know is Sarah will be the hottest commodity Paradise has to offer this summer.
With the conclusion of the rose ceremony, the group is headed to New Orleans (I mean, at least it’s better than Wisconsin?). The arrival in New Orleans provides us some amazing shots of Alexis.
Chris B Harrison makes his contractually obligated two minutes of air time to let the girls know there will be a 1 on 1 date, a group date, and the *dreaded* 2 on 1 date. Gee, I wonder who would possibly be put on the 2 on 1 date?! Definitely someone like Jaimi or Josephine!
1 ON 1 DATE
Rachel Pope gets the 1 on 1 date and all you have to do rn is open your social media accounts to find out that America LOVES Rachel. Myself included.
Rachel is the only person I have ever seen pull off mustard high-waisted denim shorts.
They spend the day doing cute shit in New Orleans and when Rachel raves about Nick, it’s sweet, not embarrassing.
At the night portion of the date, Nick gives 0 fucks and asks how to address her dad when they meet. Rachel stamps her ticket to hometowns. Could we be getting a glimpse at (gasp) a possible Bachelorette candidate of color?!
Obvs Rachel gets a rose.
The group date card arrives and it’s all the girls left, with the exception of Corinne and Taylor, who were so randomly selected for the 2 on 1. Lol.
The group date is held at a Haunted Mansion in New Orleans and I’m starting to understand why the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland is in New Orleans Square.
They try and act like this building is so haunted but then WHY is there a brand new, fully stocked bar with Moscow Mules when they walk in? These are the questions.
How convenient! A fucking Ouija board is conveniently under the table they are drinking at at a haunted house!
Jasmine DGAF’s about ghosts and they try and act like she disturbed this weird little spirit girl in the house.
I want to believe this place is actually haunted, but I also want to believe that Elan Gale is dressed in all black walking around knocking over bookcases and randomly pushing chairs in front of people.
Danielle L and Raven casually drop the falling in love bomb, yet Danielle M prevails with the group date rose.
Back at the hotel, Taylor and Corinne are prepping for their sure to be amazing TV 2 on 1 date.
This is the logical way anyone should prepare for this:
I am not ashamed to say that with every episode I am turning into Team Corinne.
Taylor: “Corinne is not emotionally intelligent at all.”
Corinne: “Make America Corinne Again!”
Hate on Corinne all you want, but Taylor is just as insufferable at this point. Stop giving Seattle a bad name, Taylor!
For gods sake Taylor DO YOUR DAMN HAIR you are on a nationally televised show. The fresh out the shower look has never fared well for anyone on this show (S/o Kacie B).
I usually sympathize with the resting bitch face, but Taylor’s just kind of makes you want to punch her in the face.
Corinne: “I can’t even believe you are a mental health counselor and that people listen to you.” Corinne, reading my mind.
Taylor: “I don’t tell people what to do. And I have a Masters Degree!” Oh shut the fuck up Taylor.
Corinne uses her time with Nick to throw Taylor under the bus and she might be the first person ever to talk shit about the other girl and still get the 2 on 1 rose. Props Corinne.
TBH, it’s a lose lose for Nick to keep either of these broads, but at the end Corinne prevails because #ratings.
Taylor after Corinne gets the rose: “I’m tired of her getting what she wants.”
I mean, get over it because you’re going home????
Anyways, we get another to be continued that teases Taylor trying to come back and plead her case but let’s be real that won’t end well for her.
ALSO this week’s bloopers are amazing. My queen Alexis is chilling with Nick and he trolls her with a fucking Nicholas Cage mask. And then makes out with her wearing said mask. Give us more Alexis, PLEASE.
See you all next week!