You always know you’re in for a good night when an episode of The Bachelor starts with a Chris Harrison voice over of, “the drama continues, now.”
We are dropped back into the never ending princess castle bounce house drama and a long line of girls telling Nick that Corinne is just no.
Taylor and Sarah decide to drop some knowledge on Corinne.
T&S: “Corinne, you need to get it together.”
Corinne: “Why are you so obsessed with me?”
At the rose ceremony Corinne shockingly lives to fight another day. Christen and Brittany aren’t so lucky and are sent home with a flash drive containing a PDF version of the Bachelor in Paradise application.
Congrats ladies, you are going to Wisconsin!! Why are these girls acting Backstreet Boys level thrilled when they are literally going to bum f*ck Wisconsin?
First order of business is The Viall’s 3rd sad sad appearance on this TV Show.
Actual quote from Dad, “We do not want to see you on this show again.” Same, Dad, same.
ONE ON ONE: DANIELLE L
Danielle L gets the first one of one of the week and her day date is arguably shittier than the farm hand date.
Not only is she forced to draw Nick’s face with frosting on a cookie, she also is forced to walk around Nick’s hometown and deal with a fake ex girlfriend plant.
Not sure what is more embarrassing, the fact that ABC thought this would make a decent storyline or that this ex girlfriend’s life is sad enough that she signed on to do this.
After Danielle’s tour of where Nick lost his V-Card and reading excerpts from his sad handwritten book, she gets a redeeming night date at a Chris Lane concert. Danielle L gets a rose. Yay!
The group date this week consists of every girl in the house minus Danielle and Raven who both got one on ones.
The group date girls get taken to a cow farm and have the romantic opportunity to be fucking farm hands for the day. Who’s season is this, Nick or Chris Soules?
Farm hand duties of the day include feeding cows hay and shoveling manure. Corinne is complaining but TBH who really wants to do any of this shit?
Astrid’s scarf is the most relatable thing all episode. Also, am I the only one who hears the name Astrid and can’t think of anything besides Jan Levinson’s baby from The Office. Just me? Ok.
Bag on Corinne all you want but she had some amazing one liners this episode.
*girls shoveling manure* Corinne: “This is literally the worst date I have ever been on. I need sushi.”
Nick’s voice is getting progressively worse with every episode. He is slowly reverting back to his OG Andi Dorfman serial killer vibes days.
During the night portion of the date, Corinne deems it the most appropriate time to call out the girls for not liking her. I mean, at least she tries to defend herself.
Sarah: “Do you think you are ready to marry a 35 year old man? Like, you can’t even make it to a rose ceremony.”
Corinne: “Sorry for taking a nap.”
Corinne: “You know who else takes naps? Michael Jordan.”
Corinne’s new excuse for everything is #sorryfornapping and it is amazing. The way she frames this nap thing is so manipulative that for a minute I actually think the other girls need to chill.
Kristina gets the rogue group date rose. That was weird.
ONE ON ONE: RAVEN
Raven has the last one on one of the week and I am HERE for Raven.
Drawing the short end of the stick, Raven is forced to attend Nick’s sister Bella’s soccer game and meet the ‘rents. In the real world, this type of date is a lose lose, but I guess in Bachelor world its the ultimate win because you are deemed normal enough to meet the family.
After the game, they go roller skating with Bella and her 10 year old friends. What a nightmare.
Why does Nick have such weird and creepy skating skills?
At the night portion of the date, we get the 411 on Raven’s last break up and it is amazing. Usually when someone says they walked in on their ex cheating on them, they leave it at that. Instead, Raven gives us all the glorious details and at this point who doesn’t love a girl who beat the shit out of her cheating ex boyfriend with a shoe? #TeamRaven
Raven gets the rose, obvi.
We get about 10 minutes of the the cocktail party before yet another To Be Continued. STOP IT ABC.
Before we are cut off, we get more Corinne drama with her newest frenemy Taylor, which is clearly setting us up for a so called “epic” 2 on 1 date next week.
Will Corinne be an Olivia Caridi, or will she prevail like the twins? Only time will tell.
See you all next week!