Welcome back rose lovers! We return and are dropped immediately back into Niz-gate, where we have half the girls who care too much about this one night stand, and the other half DGAF and are thrilled there is one less girl to compete with for shifty ass Nick Viall.
Corinne is the fucking worst. She has Nick lick whipped cream off her chest, decides that it didn’t go well for her, and skips out on the rose ceremony to take a nap.
I almost have to respect her commitment to napping.
We finally get to the rose ceremony (was the To Be Continued really necessary?) and we say goodbye to Hailey, Lacey, and Elizabeth W. You might be saying “who???” which is what I thought too but I’m sure these are the first three Paradise recruits, so kudos to them I guess.
Even though the rose ceremony was a bore, it does provide us this iconic Bachelor moment from none other than Dolphin Trainer:
GROUP DATE #1
King Chris B Harrison arrives to kick off week 2 and brings his A game
CBH: “Hey ladies! Corinne, you look well rested!”
DRAG HER CHRIS.
Anyways, CBH teases that the dates this season are 100 and leaves the girls with a date card. Turns out the first group date is even more iconic than Alexis’ “move, bitches.” It’s the BACKSTREET BOYS.
The Backstreet Boys casually show up at the mansion and the girls have gone wild.
Girls: Screaming, Crying, Running, Jumping, Etc
BSB: “I did not leave the South Side for this.”
The girls on this date (Whitney, Corinne, Danielle L, Kristina, Christen, Jasmine, and Taylor) have to perform a choreographed dance to “Everybody” on stage with BSB at some iHeart Radio event. Corinne cries because she can’t dance. Logic. Every girl that grew up in the early 2000’s should know this choreography by heart already, but let’s pretend they need choreography lessons.
Danielle L. gets serenaded by Nick and the boyz because she is deemed the best dancer. Danielle gets the group date rose.
At the night portion of the date, we get more intel on Corinne’s nanny, Raquel. God bless Raquel. Corinne takes a lot of flack for having Raquel but TBH if I had the option of having a nanny to make me cheese pasta at my beck and call I would jump on that shit.
Back at the mansion, Vanessa gets this week’s 1 on 1 date.
1 ON 1
Nick and Vanessa take a zero gravity plane for a joy ride and it looks SO FUN. Poor Vanessa literally voms, and Nick is actually weirdly cute about it. Throwing up on the first date into a barf bag is a total first date horror story. It will be amazing if this works out.
The night portion of the date is at the US Bank tower in LA and I NEED to know why they didn’t go on the damn slide.
Vanessa gets a rose and I am thanking God himself that I chose her to win in my bracket.
GROUP DATE #2
Domenique is super glad she finally gets time with Nick. Who the hell is Domenique?
Rachel, Astrid, Alexis, Domenique, Brittany, Sarah, and Jaimi are treated to a track and field themed date.
Astrid wears the least supportive sports bra ever and I just can’t look away.
Olivia Pope, I mean Rachel, is a complete baller.
This group date is stupid AF. Way too much time is spent on Domi-who? and her lack of time with Nick and she inevitably gets sent home which is two rose ceremonies overdue.
Rachel gets the group date rose. Yay Olivia!!
Back at the mansion, King CBH announces that there will be a pool party instead of a rose ceremony because that never causes drama and always ends well.
Corinne magically finds a princess bounce house and chooses to mount and straddle Nick in front of the other girls. Nice!! This girl needs so much therapy.
In response, the girls basically take their turns drilling Nick about why TF he likes this bitch.
Quote of the party:
Raven: “She has a legit nanny”
Nick: “What do you mean, like does she do everything for her?”
Raven: “Nick, she didn’t even know how to wash a spoon”
Of course, we are blessed yet again with a To Be Continued ep, so we will see y’all next week!
Until next Monday!