Flashback to the summer of 2015: record-breaking heat, superhero cinema showdowns, the beginning of the tragic U.S. presidential race, and most importantly, the season that Minions took over planet earth. There’s a high probability Minions took over the entire universe but there is no solid proof…YET. With the impending release of the Despicable Me spin off, Minion Mania was in full effect. Virtually over night, Los Angeles became Minionized.
You couldn’t walk down the street without seeing a yellow blob. You couldn’t turn on a screen without hearing gibberish or giggles. Was this overkill or quite possibility the best marketing plan ever witnessed? Based purely on numbers, Minions was a huge success. The film grossed over $1.1 billion worldwide, making it the second most successful animated film in history right behind Frozen and ahead of Toy Story 3 (SHOCKING). Public opinion on Minions was at a breaking point, proving there is no God and all innocent things must be ruined by the evil of human beings.
Cut to one year later and Minions are still a polarizing topic of conversation. Bring up Minions to a crowd and the results could be borderline violent. Thankfully on April 24, Netflix added Minions to their catalog so the argument could be laid to rest. Are Minions cute AF or just annoying little shits created to make a hefty profit?
THE ANSWER IS BOTH.
At times, watching Minions is almost unbearable. Essentially the first 20 minutes are the Minions speaking gibberish and killing their evil leaders, which gets old very quickly. So old, in fact, that I needed a nap in order to carry on watching the film. There is only so much high-pitched verbal nonsense one can take before the eardrums start bleeding.
Soon enough, 3 stars emerge – Kevin, Stuart, and Bob. This is when the cuteness overload starts to kick in. If you didn’t laugh at the torture scene where the Minions are supposed to be hanged but instead keep sliding out of the noose, then you really need reevaluate. Look at your life. Look at your choices. Make some changes. When little Bob unintentionally releases Excalibur’s sword from the stone after a hilarious chase through the streets of London, a smile should spread across your face at how dumb and naïve he is. He is SO PURE. Minion’s brains may be nonexistent but their hearts are vast. Open your heart and mind. This is a ludicrously fun film, filled with cheap laughs and genuine happiness.
There is really no reason that someone should hate this movie or Minions in general. They are honest entertainment. Even if you attempt to hate-watch this film, you are guaranteed to smile and chuckle at the simple stupidity of Kevin, Stuart, and Bob. Also (if you didn’t already know), Sandra Bullock, Jon Hamm, Michael Keaton, Allison Janney, and Steve Coogan voice the characters. If you can’t get behind these actors then please close this article IMMEDIATELY (kidding, all opinions are welcome here…some more than others though).
Conspiracy theory: If you hate the Minions, maybe you hate yourself. Minion hatred comes from within. It’s understandable to feel inundated by the Minions taking over everything from buses to billboards to clothing to food to even toilet paper. At the end of the day, Minions are here to make the world a better place, something humans are failing to accomplish at a shocking rate. Maybe we should let the Minions hang around a bit longer and teach us all how to be an unexpected hero. Just a thought.