It has been a hot minute since I’ve stopped by to give you an update. You may or may not have noticed we’ve slowed down content a little bit here at TGS and that was an executive decision on my part. I want to make sure that when we publish something, it stands for itself. I didn’t want to push our team to write just for the sake of having a post each day so the new posting schedule will be a little different going forward. We’re going to write when we are inspired to share our voices, not because feel like we have to meet a hard deadline each and every day. That has always been the beauty of this website, the flexibility and fluidity to change. I will always prefer quality over quantity so that’s the phase we are in currently.
I’ve had some things going on in my personal life in the past month or so that have caused me to reevaluate relationships in my life and the choices I have made. I rarely choose to share emotion heavy pieces on social media but decided to open myself up to that vulnerability because that’s the main reason I enjoy the internet. I enjoy being able to connect with people and the internet allows you to do that on mass scale no matter how close or how far others may be. I’m not talking about showing off your new bedding or letting everyone know what hotspot you went to last night (I myself am partial to pictures of my plants and books), I’m talking about being open and honest about where you are in your life. We are all social media scammers (to an extent) and recently I’ve just grown tired of scamming.
I have been so out of it lately. By lately I mean about the last three months. I resorted to morning runs for about a week to try and get my muse back before I realized again how much I hate running. Now I’m trying morning walks and those seem to be going well. I’ve been eating better, lots of acai bowls and heirloom tomatoes. Sometimes I sit on my balcony with my plants and just cry. Why? I don’t know why. My body needs to cry maybe? I try to let it release whatever it needs to release. Sometimes it’s crying and sometimes it’s screaming when my music is cranked up to max volume in the car on the way home. The only thing I’ve been able to write in the last few weeks is “my venom was so hot I burned myself” and that only came out when I finally admitted that I was upset. I’m just having a lil bout of going THROUGH it. And that’s okay. Social media is (usually) a scam but knowing someone is maybe feeling the same things you are isn’t. This has been a word vomit PSA thank you and goodnight.
After posting about the emotions I had been feeling I had nearly a dozen friends and family members reach out or comment to tell me that they completely understood what I was going through, that they loved me and that they were there if I needed to talk. After reading through the messages I realized that at the end of the day, that’s all I really wanted. I just needed someone to reaffirm that what I was feeling was totally normal and more importantly, that I wasn’t alone. After being inside my own head for so many weeks I craved that connection that let me know that everything was going to be okay.
I finally started feeling like I was on the up last week. I once again felt strong enough to take control of my attitude and to not let my head get the best of me. I made lunch plans with friends, I started going for morning walks, I actively chose to eat healthier so I would start to feel better. Baby steps.
I have had a lot of time to reflect on the relationships in my life over these last weeks. Sometimes I feel like I give too much – too much time, too much energy, too much love. And if/when it all goes downhill I hurt worse than I could have ever imagined and feel drained in every aspect of my life. I know I am hardly the first person to ask these questions and I am not even close to being the last. Is the answer to stop investing? Is the answer to hold back? My first thought is YES GIRL TAKE YOURSELF AND RUN, protect yourself always. My second thought is NO, hold your ground, believe people are inherently good and keep believing that you get what you give.
Life is full of peaks and valleys and the past few months have just been a small valley in the grand scheme of my life. Sometimes it can be extremely hard to have perspective, this I have learned time and time again. Something upsetting will happen and it feels like the world is caving in on you. Everything is immediate, everything is blaring, everything hurts. But then you finally manage to come up for air, whether that be from someone you love pulling you out or you managing to claw your way out yourself. You will come out of whatever it is and you will be better and stronger because of it.
And then, even if after all that it still goes to shit, breathe fire and be a damn dragon.