Dear J is a reoccurring series in the TGS Sunday Letters. Each Dear J letter is written anonymously by one of our writers. These letters are the things we didn’t say, the things we wish we did and the things that we never will.
Our first hello was nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. It’s my most memorable hello, but you’ve never given it a second thought. Looking back, it’s an accurate representation of our time together. I put all of my energy into caring about you, meanwhile it’s a miracle if you manage to find the time to call me back.
I’ve thought a lot about us, John. I’ve thought about the memories and the laughs we shared, about the plans we made, and even about our lives in the future. I’ve come to see now that I can’t expect much out of you because you weren’t meant to be mine. I may be foolish to say this but I’m convinced you’re the one for me, but I’m not the one for you.
What was it about Jane that you admired so much? Was it her kindness? Was it her looks? Did it just “feel right?” Whatever it was, she’s lucky to have had even a fraction of your undivided attention.
For so long I thought maybe our timing was off or that someday you’d come around and change your mind about me. I can’t bear to think that way anymore because that would mean holding on to pure fantasy and pretending it’s bound to be reality in due time. But I can’t make you love me.
When I love someone, my love runs deep. I thought yours did too. Sadly, our relationship is a one-way street. Don’t get me wrong, John, I’m happy with where we are, but that’s because I’ve had to settle. I’ve done far too much for you and only now I see that you would never even do half of what I’ve done. I expect very little of you now so that if you ever do show me you care, it might actually be a pleasant surprise for once. Maybe it’s better that I know this now rather than to continue to lie to myself about what I mean to you.
So goodbye to the future that will never be. Goodbye to the life I thought we’d have. Goodbye to the hope I held on to for too long. Goodbye.