We return to Paradise smack dab in the middle of the #Vizzy breakup. This shockingly got less air time then anticipated.
Izzy decides to move on to bigger and better things. Translation: A hotter guy. Vinny sheds a lot of real tears and I genuinely feel bad for the guy. Izzy sheds a lot of fake tears and I want to punch her in the face.
As a result, Vinny self eliminates and leaves Paradise, tbh probably the best thing for his mental health. RIP Vizzy.
Jade and Tanner, formally known as Janner, swing down to Mexico for a visit because they are Bachelor in Paradise royalty to these current cast members. Also this is a good Instagram promo opportunity for them. They also arrive to judge this shit out of all of the existing couples.
This ends up being a mild form of couples therapy, and the winner gets a date card (ah, romance).
Janner bestows the holy date card to Caila and Jared because
producers made them they think they have the best thing going.
Ashley, actual insane human being, considers suicide.
Give me Jared, or give me death!
The #Jaila date is whatever. It’s raining and they hook up in the ocean and honestly Caila is just not that into him.
Back at the resort, resident couple that we have all forgotten aboutm Nick and Jenm get their 5 minutes of airtime this week to discuss the hard hitting topics like the time Nick almost proposed to two girls on TV and got dumped both times. A true Bachelor legend.
Nick and Jen are the most sane and normal couple here. Props.
Carly and Evan also get a date card and it is so uncomfortable, just like them! They enter some type of Mexican sweat cave to profess their feelings of love for each other after 72 hours of dating.
How did Carly’s eyebrows not melt off through this ordeal?
Carly, please never utter the term lady boner again ever.
Returning to the Jared/Caila/Ashley love triangle.
Ashley to Jared: “Look I’m not acting out of jealousy at all but Caila is robotic and you def like her more than she likes you.” Things people say out of jealousy.
Jared to Caila: “It’s nbd but
my ex girlfriend people are telling me you aren’t into me”
Caila: “This producer just told me I can stay another week if I confront her so I am going to go talk to Ashley.”
Caila’s hair is genuinely my unattainable life goals.
This relationship will definitely end well.
Next week’s preview looks AMAZING as we have an impending Josh Murray meltdown. Can’t wait!