It’s almost been a week since we last heard Ashley cry and right away we are dropped back into the shit storm. God speed to Jared and Caila.
Once AGAIN Daniel is the rose all the girls want/need and it is amazing.
Daniel: “I got power like the pope.”
Sarah, Ashley I, and the twins are all in contention for said rose and are pulling out all of the stops. Sarah bakes him a damn cake, Haley goes in for a kiss, and Ashley (shockingly) talks about Jared.
At the rose ceremony, the twins prevail and we say goodbye to Sarah. You were too normal for this show anyway, girl. We also say goodbye to Ashley for a solid three minutes before she cries her way back into Paradise and begs the rest of the cast for a desperate stamp of approval. They let her stay another week, because we all know they didn’t bring Ashley I back to be here for one ep. SMFH.
Nick: “UGH.” Same Nick, same.
A new morning, a new influx of fucking randoms.
ABC must have had a hard time finding real cast members this season because there is a serious amount of complete nobodies not only this week but throughout this season (looking at you, Izzy).
First we are joined by Carl (apparently from Andi’s season), followed by Brett (also apparently from Andi’s season). Brett shows up with a lamp because he came out of the limo with one to meet Andi. They literally had to show a clip from that season because zero people remember this.
Carl & Brett have date cards for another BIP Double Date. Carl asks Haley and Brett asks Caila.
Brett: “Caila will you go on this date with me?”
Caila: “Yes, I mean no, I mean yes, I mean idk.”
Side note – Caila’s bathing suit top is SO CUTE. (I can only hope that Ali Fedotowsky-Manno will blog this outfit).
Caila ends up agreeing to go on a date with Brett.
Jared: “I am getting dumped for a lamp.”
The four of them go on a literal booze cruise and suddenly I am having flashbacks to my last trip to Mexico. What a place to fall in love.
Another random named Ryan shows up. Three in one week is a bit much if I’m being honest.
Caila and Jared reconcile and Ashley considers flinging herself into the ocean.
Daniel to Ashley: “No offense but Jared is ugly.” Daniel is spitting TRUTH.
This episode ends with part one of the demise of #Vizzy. Izzy thinks Brett is God’s gift to this earth and realizes she probably belongs with someone as unknown as herself.
I am starting to realize I hate everyone named Izzy. Izzy Goodkind, Izzy Stevens – this is not just a coincidence that both of these people suck.
Basically, Izzy thinks Brett is hotter than Vinny and that is her break up reasoning. Logical.
And here we are at our weekly “To Be Continued.” See you all tomorrow!