ABC, I can get down with these one hour episodes. It is almost a weight off of my shoulders to only have to commit to one hour of this show (I am such TV trash that things like this genuinely affect my well being). I almost forgot that I sold two hours of my life to Bachelor In Paradise just 24 hours prior.
We get back to Paradise after a 22 hour hiatus and this is all that is going on:
Actually every other take is a Josh and Amanda round of tonsil hockey.
Daniel is off somewhere counting his abs. Nick is laying around in his little shorts plotting Josh’s murder. Emily is drunk off one beer at 12 in the afternoon (and is all of us).
Carly is contemplating the nicest way to dump Evan.
The amount of disinterest on Carly’s face is amazing. Maybe I actually like her this season? Only time will tell. How does Evan not see this??? The break up is awkward and amazing and leads to some golden shots of Evan crying about the demise of his three day relationship.
I can’t even wait for the lead up to whatever reason Evan is in that ambulance in the full season trailer. GIVE US THE GOOD STUFF, ABC.
Meanwhile, Christian Bishop from JoJo’s season arrives in Paradise and asks Sarah out with his date card.
Daniel is sad about it so he offers to help Evan cope with his breakup by giving him a haircut to make him “less Evan-ish.” Daniel has the best quotes.
Christian and Sarah’s date goes fairly well, but for a reason no one knows or understands, Sarah is more into Daniel and his Canadian-isms.
Our next new cast off, Brandon, might be more of a “Who?” than Izzy. I am also ashamed to admit that I actually knew who he was when I saw him.
Chris Harrison: “Hi, I’m Chris Harrison.”
Brandon: “Dude I was on Desiree’s season.”
Chris Harrison: “I do not get paid enough for this shit.”
Carly tries to stake immediate claim on the new guy.
Carly: “Omg, you were on my brothers season? Please date me.”
Brandon, in turn, asks out one of the twins (Haley).
On their date, the twins decide to switch places and Brandon has absolutely no idea.
Back at the house, Evan in all of his demise is plotting his plan of attack to pursue Amanda. LOL. Please give a bonus to whatever producer talked him into this one.
Evan approaches Josh & Amanda while Josh’s tongue is down her throat and asks to steal her.
Josh and Amanda: “WTF”
Sadly, we get a to be continued ending, but next week we see Caila arriving and that is sure to bring some new drama. See you next week!