Last nights episode of BIP3 was a hot mess. Shockingly, the show held its own without Chad (unpopular opinion, this franchise is better without him) and we finally got to see a few couples after 24 hours of knowing each other. A real American love story.
Our first new cast off of the night is Leah from Ben’s season, who looks like a different human being and also only owns exclusively crop tops.
Leah: “I love the girls from my season. I am so close with Lace, the twins, Amanda, and more.”
Lace: “God I hate this bitch.”
Twin Hayley: “What are these lips?”
Twin Emily: “Oh look it’s this lying bitch!”
Leah swoops in and takes Nick Viall, an apparent hot commodity, out with her date card. Amanda is fake mad, waiting for an even hotter commodity to join and steal her away from Nick.
In preparation for the rose ceremony, the girls are in PEAK panic. Their level of thirst is more real than it ever has been.
Grant and Lace (I shall call them Grace) have coupled up as Grant seems to not see any red flags here whatsoever. Love is blind, I guess.
Lace: “I really need to solidify a rose tonight so I think I am going to bang Grant.”
Vizzy is still going strong, however Sarah puts up a valiant effort and pulls a make out from Vinny. Zero of these things are acceptable in the real world.
Leah, resident try hard, is working her best angles to get a rose from Nick.
Leah: “I think I have everything you might be looking for, for example I do not have children and I just got a new and improved face.”
Nick: “Thanks but no thanks..Amanda is still better looking than you.”
Carly Waddell, in ultimate desperation, kisses Evan and simultaneously makes me want to leave this earth.
In a hilarious twist of events, resident Canadian Daniel has all the power and the one rose that all the girls need.
Leah: “If I had a date card, I would for sure ask you on a date with it.”
Daniel: “That sounds fake but okay.”
At the rose ceremony, we say goodbye to Jubilee & Leah (she didn’t even make it to the opening credits, lol).
Enter Josh Murray.
Josh Murray arrives in Paradise and every single girl there is upset they already started coupling up with someone. Except Amanda, that is.
You know you are doing something wrong if Nick Viall is the one I am siding with, Josh.
The best part of this episode are all of the references to Andi’s tell all book #ItsNotOkay.
Nick: “Andi Dorfman wrote a tell all book and everything in it about me is true.”
Josh: “Andi’s book is 100% lies.” This also sounds fake but okay.
Genuine pity for Amanda if she believes what is coming out of Josh’s mouth. Either way, Josh (Mr. Steal yo Girl) successfully swipes Amanda from Nick. It’s just like Andi Dorfman 2.0 except this time around I am #TeamNick.
Josh to Nick: “I am here for the right reasons and me and Amanda had the best date ever” – things that people who are not there for the right reasons say.
Meanwhile, Carly and Evan embark on the most cringe worthy date I have ever seen. Look Evan, she’s just not that into you. I would pay a decent amount of money to have seen Evan’s face watching this episode back and seeing all the things Carly said about him.
Evan: “This was the best kiss of my entire life.”
Carly: “That kiss was so terrible like how does this guy even have 3 kids? I want to die.”
On their date, they are force fed peppers and also forced to make out where we witness the longest, most vile string of make out saliva I have ever seen IRL or on TV (aka ever). Please just make this stop.
Next Week Tonight, we get more of the Nick v Josh showdown and an episode of After Paradise. (Sorry, will not be tuning into this soul sucking talk show.) See you tomorrow!